I have been a long believer that what we do as a profession and who we are as a person are two separate and distinct things. Sure we can make assumptions about who someone is based upon their chosen profession and sometimes we may even be right. I would imagine that each of us forms a first impression of another based on what it is they do. Think about it for a second. How might you think of the person your friend is bringing with her to dinner if all you knew was his occupation? A doctor? A fireman? A stay-at-home parent? A pilot? A cook? A retail salesperson? A professional athlete? A military service member? No matter how right (and normally wrong) we might find ourselves about our assumptions, we are quick to make them.
I am also struck by how most people respond when they are asked by a new acquaintance to “Please, tell me about yourself.” Try this yourself and I am willing to bet that nearly every response you receive begins with what they do for a living. Whether they are a student, a police officer, a lawyer, a writer, a painter, or you name it, people tend to confuse who they are with what they do. Currently, I work in a position of somewhat anonymity. I say anonymity because in the minds of most, who I am does not matter nearly as much as what I do. You see, I work directly for the four-star Admiral who happens to lead the largest agency in the intelligence community, as well as our nation’s warfighting arm in cyberspace. When people engage with me at work, it is not to engage me, but to get to him. To most, I am not Sean Heritage, I am “The Admiral’s Exec”, I am an extension of him and not my own person. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and believe it to be an important role. I also like to think that I execute my responsibilities in a way that is reflective of who I am. And I know that I was selected for the position because of who I am and what I might be able to help the team accomplish.
As I zoom out a bit and think about the leader with whom I directly serve, the same is largely true for him. The office receives countless invitations for him to speak to large audiences worldwide, to engage on an individual level with seniors, peers and juniors alike, and to both give interviews and write articles for the media machine. Each initial invitation is sent to him because of the position he holds and the associated responsibilities and influence, not necessarily because of who he is. Over time, the mix of invitations may change as people begin to see him for who he is as much as for the title he temporarily holds. Likewise, for me, more people engage me for what it is they believe I may be able to help them with given my temporary position. One of the reasons I share of myself as much as I do is because I want people to see me for me, not for a job to which I am temporarily assigned, a rank I temporarily hold, or authority I temporarily have. The opportunities we get over the course of our life are a result of who we are perceived to be. Doors are opened and closed every day based on our perceived character, competence, and personality. These opportunities may be temporarily shaped by an office we hold, the authority we wield, or the power that is perceived, but that is all temporary.
There are people we keep in our life because we appreciate who they are and there are people we leverage only because of what they do. What happens when you are no longer in that seat of power, when you lose your fortune, or when you are no longer the prettiest face in the room? I know I am far from alone when I admit that I want people to see value in me for who I am and how they believe I am capable of contributing as a human being.
- How would you respond to the request, “Please, tell me about yourself”?
- What opportunities in life are being presented as a result of who you are?
- Who is merely leveraging you based on the perceived authority/influence associated with the position you temporarily hold?
Sean,
1. Very interesting read, but I am very surprised that you hold the opinion that what we do as a profession and who we are as people are two separate and distinct things. If we are lucky enough we can choose a profession that is totally in line with our interests and that fits our characters and personalities and thus they become intertwined. Do you follow? When I was young (and quite broke) my largest interest was world travel since I wanted to see new places and meet people form other cultures, and thus I became an Airline Stewardess (or flight attendant nowadays) and since I also appreciated service and speak several different languages it was a perfect fit. My profession accentuated my personality and it was never hard for me to travel the world and hold a cocktail party with the entire cabin 🙂 that made passengers write letters to the airline about what a fantastic flight they had. The entire thing came totally naturally to me since I am a world traveller extra ordinarie and an anthropologist in training with a huge interest in people. Nowadays I find myself enjoying showing and sharing knowledge with others and thus I became a teacher, and love it. Again, I have been blessed to call what I like to do work.
2. I truly think opportunities, and especially work related such, do present themselves because of who we are as a private person. Our actions open doors, and actions are reflection of who we are, good or bad.
3. This is a soar and dangerous spot, and something that many cannot handle gracefully and especially among leadership who do not have the ability to recognize admiration based upon rank, power and position and thus become seduced with devastating results, both private and professional. They loose the moon counting the stars, if you know what I mean. Mine field! Needs to be talked about at CO leadership course at Naval War College. Families are destroyed while some bald, middle aged man with a bit of a belly and who snors thinks the younger woman is interested in him because he has such a nice personality and that it has nothing at all to do with his power, rank, position or pay check.
Kind regards,
Anneli
1. The profession we choose, surely is a reflection of who we are and I recognize that I am the same person at work as I am at home. Truth is I have trouble compartmentalizing my life. And like you, I am fortunate to love my “work.” That said, I am Sean and I always will be Sean…father and husband. I will not always be a Naval Officer and as much as I love my work, I love my other two roles even more.
2. Well said. Some people get away with faking it for a while, but they ultimately get identified for whom they really are (at least that is the hope.)
3. Could not agree more. That very point is made at Command Leadership School, but by then it’s too late. People are who they are at that point in life and many who are in the room have fooled the system into believing they are men/women of honor. We need to do a better job of documenting those with questionable character earlier in their career so they never find themselves in that course.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment…
Great post. Interesting how we feel the need to rattle off our professional biographies to the new people we meet through work – I suppose we are looking for commonalities in our careers or people we know. While highlighting these professional experiences can often allow others to understand the experiences that shape the lenses we use to use, they also allow others to “box us in” to a certain category based on their own perceptions/experiences/expectations … And what we do at work is often far less important than the lives we lead outside of work which can have a much larger impact on the attitude we bring in to work… But which we rarely share
Eren, I share your sentiment. In fact, I’d love to see more of us write a bio that focuses more on who we are and what we believe in favor of jobs we have had and commands to which we have been assigned.
CAPT.,
It seems like self-identification with your employer is the ultimate buy-in. Such an identification shows a commitment to and an agreement with the organization’s core values. We should proudly answer that we are Sailors in the United States Navy. Taking this a step further to pride in your command or pride in your division is just added goodness. I want those I work with to have pride in what we are doing. Self-identification as a member of the team is a pretty good indicator.
Kevin, I agree. I take great pride in being a Sailor and the Command to which I am assigned at any given time (as well as those of which I am a proud alum). In fact, my business card clearly identifies my chosen profession. Though, admittedly, it states my higher prioritized roles as Father and Husband before it mentions my affiliation with the greatest Navy in the world. I love what I do and it is a big part of who I am, but I will be who I am long after I stop serving in uniform.
It is a bit challenging not to be defined by the uniform I have worn and organization I have represented for 25 years. However, we see ourselves differently as we reach certain milestones during our personal and professional journey. As a husband, “young” grandpa, father of six, Naval Officer, and Youth Coach, I am very different than who I was 15 years ago. My values and priorities have shifted, and my life experiences continue to shape who I have become. My family, friends, and mentors also have and continue to play a role in my life. I owe who I am to my journey and those with whom I shared special moments along the way.
The position that we hold within our professions gives us opportunities to make a positive contribution to the mission and people who are charged to execute it. However, who we are as individuals, our characters, personalities, values, and work-ethic, as well as our ability to galvanize the team help us seize these opportunities and make a difference.
Many hold positions of power and influence; that’s the easy part. I like to believe that most come to me with and for ideas, mentorship, and advice because of the relationships, confidence and trust we have built and nourished.