We all live “busy” lives and we make numerous decisions each day about how we choose to spend our most precious resource, time. Some of us even care enough to think about how the choices we make about our time allocation affects the way others, in turn, are forced to fill their schedule.
This afternoon I knew I wanted to watch my son’s lacrosse practice. I also had come to terms with the fact that I needed to run a few of the errands I had been putting off for far too long. Knowing how my son disliked being my errand wingman, I gave him an option. I could watch his practice or I could drop him off and take care of business so that he wouldn’t have to…his choice. No different than the collective ownership model in which I am committed to at work, my wife and I are big fans of allowing him to be a part of just about every decision we make. It doesn’t mean we execute per his input, but his input is a valued element of the decisions we make as a family. This time, I was prepared to blindly execute per his recommendation. By giving him the option on this one, I had resigned myself to missing his practice in favor of running errands; not because I wanted to, but because I valued his time as much as my own (Note: earlier in the day I had spent an hour in stand-by waiting for a previously scheduled meeting with a senior to begin, certainly my time was not of value.). Maybe it shouldn’t have, but he surprised me by stating emphatically, “Please watch my practice, I am OK running errands with you after.” He went on to explain that he wanted me to see him in action so we could both celebrate and laugh at the things that we would witness together. He wanted to create shared memories. The very reason I wanted to delay my errands was the very reason he was willing to be my errand wingman. Needless to say, I stayed at practice and watched with great interest.
Growing up, my parents made it a point to experience my life with me. They were always on the sidelines ready to cheer, console, or just observe. To this day they have complete context for many of my shining moments and bonehead moves. They made being there THE priority. I was willing to not be at practice this evening because I value my son’s time, yet he was unwilling to allow me to because he valued our time more.
Over the years, I have told my “bosses” (I really dislike that word) that I’ll come in as early as I need to, but my evenings are non-negotiable. My evenings belong to my family. That is not to say that I am not committed to the team with whom I serve, nor is it a lack of commitment to mission accomplishment. It is a commitment to valuing time…mine and of those I love. When I leave work at the end of each day, I am never the last one to leave. In fact, I pass by cubicles of moms, dads, husbands, and wives, choosing to stay late. Where some see working late into the night as commitment, I see it as poor time management, an inability to leverage the talent across the team, poor parenting, and misaligned priorities.
I left work earlier than too many so that I could take my son to practice. I appreciate him helping me to choose to be there to witness it.
As much as I pride myself on being there for family, it is my wife who is always there. It is she who spends her days with our son. It is she who chooses not to work so that she can be there. It is she who chooses not to outsource our son’s development to others (i.e. traditional schools). And it is she who truly epitomizes what being there is all about.
- Are you mindful of how you spend your most precious resource?
- Do you truly care how you might be influencing/dictating others to allocate theirs?
- Is a dual income and/or long hours really more important than truly being there for family and friends?
I have had several bosses who told me explicitly that I would be judged by how late I stayed each night, as if somehow that reflected the quality of my work. I don’t believe it does.
Which is not to say that I go home early each day. In my current job, I am finding myself staying considerably later than I did in my last few assignments. I’ve only had two jobs where I regularly stayed later than I wanted to, and both were in cubicle environments. In both cases, I would generally not get much work done until people started to go home and it got quiet. I normally get more accomplished between 1500 and 1700 than I do the entire day before then.
Still, it’s good to see people in leadership positions recognizing that it’s quality of work and leadership, not hours, that really matters. I prefer to see results over fruitless efforts.
By the way, congratulations on your selection!
It always makes me chuckle when people rant about having to stay late to finish up projects when you never see them at their desk until after lunch…While many feel that “making the rounds” is part of being productive/valuable, at the end of the day it is about shipping (as Seth Godin would say). For those that are consistently staying late I would ask how much time do you spend creating vs not…
However, I have worked for people who wait until 3:30 before handing me an assignment that needs to be completed by close of business. Have you ever experienced this? I can handle a couple of late in the day, COB taskers, but if it becomes consistent I would have to push back at some point because I am like you in that I value my evenings. Where do you draw the line to say you can’t complete the task?
Great questions
An officer from Naval Postgraduate School visited my class for a lunch and imparted some advice on our future careers as naval officers. In my mind, one point stood out more than most. He spoke of how no matter how hard we work or what we accomplish, one day we will retire from service. Afterward, the Navy will survive and succeed without us as it has for over two hundred years, living on in the lives of those we have journeyed with along the way. When we cross that threshold, our family will be the ones to greet us – the quality of that reception will reside in how we have decided to spend our time over the period of that career.
I have also seen how this is true with the time that is spent at work. Do I spend my time working through my Sailors? Do I set clear expectations, empower them, and then get out of the way? Or, do I spend my time in meeting after meeting (more than one to simply pass information in a group forum that they have been accomplishing utilizing Twitter and Facebook saving time with others for more substantial interaction), unable to recognize their names, what they do, or what they are passionate about?
Time is our most precious resource. When I am at work, I have asked my Sailors to challenge me to always be engaged with them; when I am fortunate enough to find myself back home, I set all work aside to develop my relationship with my wife and children (the future of this country) and encourage my Sailors to do the same.
Jimmy, Travis, and Kyle – Thank you for your comments…great points! All we can do is to practice what we preach and encourage others to follow our lead. The greater our influence, the more we can help others commit to truly “Being There”.
Sean, I grew up in the exact opposite situation. To this day my mom will say, “You ran track?” Why yes, yes I did. And I can tell you that it makes a difference. Parents build relationships with their children that go into their adult life, there is a since of belonging together that you create by giving that time now that isn’t there when you choose to do other things instead. On another note I think it is great that this post came today because I just spent the afternoon trying to work and wondering how it is that so few people value my time. As a work at home editor and writer my time seems to others to be free and unless I specify otherwise my phone rings all afternoon with calls from family and friends. Yep, work at home actually means I work at home. That is a hard concept for most people to get.